Lost Without You
by TheTravelBug
Summary: Rose leaves a devastating life in the parallel universe behind and once again jumps through the void to find a new regeneration of the Doctor. One-Shot of their first meeting..


_**A/N:** So, I've finally managed to write my Eleven/Rose One-Shot. I know Eleven sounds a lot like Ten every now and then but just remember, Rose is there...He will naturally have some more Ten in him again (Yeah, that's what I think at least xDDD) _  
_I know, I'm kinda cruel...I hurt myself by writing the reason why she came back but there you go...I did need a good reason xD_

_Don't hate me too much, okay? ;D I still hope you'll enjoy it_

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**Lost Without You**

She didn't recognise him at first. Not from the way he looked anyways. But the way he looked at her, the way his eyes widened in shock at seeing her here, the recognition on his face, it was unmistakable. There was no question that this was him even though he'd gone and changed his face again…yet again. She'd gotten so used to the old one, she'd loved the old one so very dearly but after everything that had happened, she was almost glad not to be reminded of him again, it was far too painful.  
It had been three years since she'd last set foot onto this ground, when she'd last seen him as him and not the other him. It had been two and a half years since she'd gotten used to the other him, accepted him as her better everything, since she's made him better again too. It had been two years since she'd agreed to marry him, one and a half since he's made her the happiest woman in the universe and eight months since she's become the saddest, most pain stricken but also most determined woman in the universe.

As she stood there now, in the middle of a crowd – because she knew he never really could avoid big crowds – and he was watching her from across the street, she felt a sense of relieve and of fear at the same time. How was she going to tell him? _What_ was she going to tell him? She stood there like a statue, unable to move and he seemed to be made of stone too until his stupor lifted and he slowly made his way over the street, walking towards her.

"Rose Tyler," he whispered, looking down into her eyes, examining one at the time as if he could find all the answers to his unasked questions in there.

"It really is you…" he then added, never averting her gaze.

"And you…" she replied, "You look younger than I've ever seen you and yet I know you're older…How long…?"  
"Three years."

"You keep a count?"

"I…well…no…I mean…Time Lord biology and stuff…"

A faint smile crossed her lips but he could see the sadness in her eyes.

"Why are you here?" he wanted to know, lifting a hand to tenderly cup her cheek, a little bit unsure of what he was doing, a bit unsure of himself really.

Rose couldn't answer, it was as if something was clogging up her throat and as soon as he touched her she teared up. All the stress of the past few months, the mourning, the determination, the sleepless nights and the fights with her mother, everything was coming to the surface now and she couldn't stop the tears from falling down her cheeks.

He took her face into both his hands now, wiping her tears away with his thumbs.

"Rose…what happened?"

She only shook her head, she wasn't yet ready to say something but she looked at him through teary eyes and laughed a little. It came out more like a choking sound because she couldn't make herself stop crying.

"That bow tie… it looks hideous…" she managed to get out.

"Oh, not you too, Rose Tyler…Bow ties are cool. Why do I have to tell everyone…why do I have to tell you?!" He almost looked insulted but she knew he wasn't. She leaned a little more into his touch, made her tears stop from flowing too and took his hand.

"I had to come back," she explained. "It didn't work out the way we thought it would. None of it."

"Are you saying…you left him there?"

Rose shook her head. "No. I…he…we…" She held up her hand, showed him the ring on her finger.

"We got married. I loved him as much as I love you, sometimes a bit more, sometimes a bit less. But he did only have the one life, you know…"

Her tears were starting to flow down her cheeks again but at least she wasn't sobbing anymore. She'd been over this so many times before now. It hadn't gotten much easier yet but it became some kind of a routine, some kind of ritual and she didn't mind it as much as she used to. Back home, everybody of course knew what had happened without her having to tell them. It had been such a terrible accident, all the news channels had broadcasted it, all the newspapers had printed it and even the zeppelins were hanging in the air with the information projected on them. _Torchwood Expert dies in crash._ They said it was a car crash. That was the only thing she had to lie about. He died in a car crash when the truth was that he'd found an alien space ship and being as curious as he was, he'd tried to get some information. But the aliens had not been friendly at all, they had another ship in orbit around the earth that had fired at the Doctor in his car and killed him instantly. The sad thing was that no one had a problem believing he actually did die in a car crash because he was a terrible driver. He'd only just managed to get his license and Rose was always terrified to let him go on road trips without her.

He'd gone up high in the food chain of the Torchwood institute and the two of them couldn't work together as often as they would've liked to and sometimes curiosity took the better of him and when Rose wasn't available for an adventure because she was experimenting in the lab or acting as liaison between the different Torchwood quarters, he went alone. The accident had been on one of those days. To this day she didn't quite know why the aliens had killed him. Only him. She reasoned that they probably would've shot many more people had they had the time but Torchwood immediately recognised the marking of an alien invasion and seeing they'd shot randomly, they destroyed the ship in orbit as well as the aliens on the ground. But it had all been too late for the Doctor. She couldn't remember for how long she'd cried and locked herself up in their flat. Jackie had tried to come over to see her almost every day and Rose had sent her away every day. Her mother had left food by the door for her for which she'd been grateful for that. At first she wanted to die too, starve herself to death because she couldn't imagine a life without him. And then, she slowly began to realise that she was actually the only person in the universe – except for her mother – who actually had another chance. She could be with the man she loved because there were two of them. She knew that he might have changed again but she also knew that he was essentially the same. She had changed the first Doctor she'd met, she'd managed to make the human Doctor better as well, she would be able to handle another regeneration as well if there was a new one, of that she was certain.

She also knew that she would find a way back through the void again. She'd done it once, she could do it again. There was a bit of Rose that believed the Bad Wolf was responsible for that, that somehow there was enough of the Bad Wolf left in her to control some of the void. After they were married, the Doctor had told her about that day. He'd told her how she'd absorbed the time vortex and how he had to safe her. Rose was almost certain that there were some remnants of the vortex left in her that helped her get through the void.

She'd been responsible for the contact between the different Torchwood quarters for quite some time now, Canary Wharf being the HQ for all of them and that's how she got in touch with the Cardiff group led by a woman called Gwen Cooper. Rose and Gwen had become close friends in only a short matter of time. Part of the reason for that was of course the fact that Rose knew the Gwen Cooper from her own universe. Not well, but well enough. Apart from her mother, Gwen was the one who helped Rose get through the tough time after the Doctor's death and she suggested that Rose came to Cardiff and work there because everyone knew about the rift and both Rose and Gwen were almost certain that if there was another way through the void it would be through the rift and they'd been right. Only a couple of hours ago, Rose had jumped through the rift. She knew there was a huge possibility of her never coming out again but it was a risk she was willing to take. She'd said goodbye to her mother, father and little brother, she'd quit her job at Torchwood, hugged Gwen goodbye and then jumped. And here she was now, standing in front of a completely new Doctor, relieved to see him, frightened to see him, terrified of what was to come and still utterly devastated about the loss of the other Doctor.

And this Doctor now looked at her and she could see the old age in his eyes and the sadness that overcame him now added to it even more. He understood, without having heard the story. It was all so clear on Rose's face. He'd always been able to read her like a book, especially when she was sad and upset.

"Oh Rose…I am so, so sorry," he murmured and took her in his arms as she started to cry again. He felt different, she noticed. And he smelled different too but for the moment it didn't matter.

After a couple of minutes they parted again.

"Why did you come here anyways?" Rose asked, looking around for anything suspicious or alien.

"That's exactly it, I didn't. I was on my way to Amarescus, brilliant planet, lots of beautiful flowers, mainly…" he stopped.

"Mainly what?" she inquired.

"Mainly…roses…talking ones…funny little things, very pretty…especially the pink and yellow ones…" he hurried to say, dropping his gaze, not sure of what she would reply to that.

A faint smile spread across Rose's face and she took his hand.

"So, you went to a place that would remind you of…me? And how did you end up here then?"

"You know me, Rose…I don't always end up where I want to…I guess the old lady had something to do with it, she must have felt you were back here…"

"May I see her?" Rose asked, a little bit of excitement in her voice.

"Course you may. Come along, Rose Tyler," he grinned and tugged her along, not letting go of her hand.

"She looks…different…newer," Rose commented as soon as she spotted the TARDIS and the Doctor nodded.

"My last regeneration went a little…pear shaped…You remember how it was before that…well, this was even worse. I absorbed a lot of radiation, to be honest, I think I can count myself very lucky that I even made it, I really didn't think I would… but the TARDIS got damaged a lot so she renewed herself. Care to have a look?"

Rose nodded and the Doctor held the door open for Rose to step into the space ship that was once her home.

She got in and looked around in amazement. "Wow. She looks so…shiny, modern…so different…"

"You don't like it?"

"Well…yes…but…she's not…my home."

The Doctor scratched his head and moved from one leg to the other, not quite sure what to say to that. He'd never expected to see Rose again, let alone have her in his ship again and yet here she was, saying this didn't feel like home.

"Rose…this is and always will be your home…" he finally managed to say, still teetering on his feet and fiddling with his fingers behind his back.

He watched as she stepped to the console, letting her fingers glide over the unfamiliar feel of the new outlines and looking at a button here and there.

"She still flies the same way?"

He nodded.

"Can…can we go somewhere?"

He nodded again.

"Where would you like to go?"

"How about that place you wanted to go anyways?"

The Doctor stepped closer and started to press a few buttons, looking at her from time to time. She stood there, watching him, a tiny smile on her face.

"Would you like to…?" he asked and pointed at the console and she grinned her tongue-between-her-teeth-grin he'd missed so much. She stepped closer and moved a handle there, pressed a button there just like he'd taught her all those years ago. She hadn't forgotten a single thing and together they set the TARDIS on course and as the sound of the flying space ship filled the room Rose grinned even broader and hooked herself under the Doctor's arm.

"I've missed this. You have no idea how much I've missed this…"

"No. I think I do. I've missed it too…travelling with you."

He still felt different to her and Rose knew that if she really was going to travel with him again they were going to have quite a lot to work out because they had both changed but she felt comfortable already and hearing the sound of the TARDIS made her realise that the old girl wasn't that different.

"Are you travelling on your own then?" Rose inquired after a moment's silence and the Doctor nodded.

"I…I was travelling with some people…Amy…and her husband Rory…and there…there was someone else…River…she…she…was my wife…" he confessed and Rose immediately let go of his arm.

"Your wife?" she asked, her voice slightly trembling.

"I…Rose…I,"

"Don't," she interrupted, "You had to find a new life, I understand…"

"No Rose, you don't. You know what I wanted to say to you all those years ago on the beach, what I tried to tell you twice but couldn't. It never changed. But River…it was complicated. I had no choice. She was a time-traveller as well and when we first met she already knew we were going to be married once. We were a paradox. Every time she met me I knew her less and she knew me more. Had we not married…I don't know what would've happened. But Rose…I never forgot you. Never. But it hurt too much to think of you all the time. I couldn't bare it. This," he said, pointing at the TARDIS and himself, "this happened out of pain. When I regenerated again it was to forget everything, I needed a new start because my last regeneration had too many painful memories."

Rose had dropped her gaze, hiding the few tears that had stolen their way into her eyes. She could've known, she should've expected something like that at least but it still hurt.

"I know what you're thinking. Why did I never tell you but then actually married someone else…Rose, I knew how and when River would die. The first time I met her I watched her die."

"You would've seen me die too. Would you have let me travel with you had the other Doctor not appeared?" she asked.

The Doctor stayed silent for a while and when he finally looked at her she could see a spark of the man she used to know.

"Yes. When…when I saw you again, before the Dalek shot me…I thought we had another chance. That was the moment I threw all my worries over board and decided to be selfish and let you stay with me because I need you, Rose Tyler. More than anything. I would've let you stay with me until the end of your days even if it had killed me."

"You sound more like him now…"

"There's a bit of all my regenerations in me, I never am a completely new man. I may change but I don't change all that much."

Rose nodded and looked at the screen.

"I think we've landed…"

"What? We never land so easily…"

"She must still know I'm here."

The Doctor smiled and went to the door and opened it. There he looked back at her and held out his hand. Rose walked to him and took it.

"You ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"Then come along, Rose Tyler," he said, stepping out of the door with Rose Tyler beside him as it should be.

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_Well...that's it...one-shot is done...I hope you enjoyed it. I might write some more for this story at some point, I do have some ideas but for the moment I'll rest it and maybe make other one-shots out of those ideas...xD I know this was kind of...quick...which is exactly why I actually might come back to it at some point cause I know Eleven and Rose won't just go smoothly from here...that'd be rather weird...xD_


End file.
